Do you know if there's a way, with Yahoo Mail, to type an email and then have it sent at a later time? I need to send an email to my SO but I'll be at work before he wakes up. If I send it now it will wake him up.
Don't know/don't care... What is something that you've been struggling with lately?
What did my husband get me for Christmas? It's a little square box, about the size of a day-by-day calendar box, and I know it was approximately $150.00. So... What do you think it is? I'm dying to know because it's all he talks about!
I rolled my car over in the ditch a few weeks ago. That was fun. I swerved for a deer on a dirt road and the fucking huge potholes made me lose control. I'm perfectly fine though, amazingly. How have all of you been doing?
So... I told my therapist that I didn't think it was working out between us. Nothing personal towards her, she just really didn't get it at all. I was all worried that she'd take it the wrong way, but it was all good. She referred me to someone who specialized in BPD. Her name is Luanne and my first appt. with her is Aug. 13. I'm really excited about it. Hopefully she will REALLY help me.
I met with the psychologist who did that test the other day and she gave me the results. She said I definitely have BPD tendencies but also traits of other personality disorders. She said that although it's very possible, they don't like to slap a label on their patients that quickly.
I talked with her for over an hour. She had to kick me out of her office. She had me pegged. She knew what was going on in my brain, which was amazing. No one really understands me. She said that the first thing I need to work on with the new therapist is my trust issues. She said that those first came about when I was little. When my mom and step-dad brainwashed me into thinking that my bio dad was a piece of shit and harmful to me. She said that it taught me to doubt everything.
My mom said that my dad was worthless and didn't love me. I felt good when I was with my dad. I felt like he loved me. My mom was an authority figure, so I trusted her. Even though I felt like my dad was a good person, I couldn't believe it because my mom (someone who I depended on) said otherwise.
Fast forward to now...
Michael is a good person. He makes me feel good. He's never done anything to make me not trust him. I don't trust him though. Because of what my mom did, it is ingrained in me that I can't trust what makes me feel good.
I hope that made sense. I don't really know how to explain it.
For you all who don't know what BPD is... here's a video I found on YouTube that explains it all.
Nothing much has been going on. This weekend was kinda interesting, though. Michael and I have been together for 2 years today! ♥ On Thursday he sent flowers to my work. It was so sweet and everyone was jealous. Haha Then he got home later that night. We picked up his student on Friday and took him out to eat so that I could meet him. Then he surprised me and took me to Branson!! We saw the Liverpool Legends (Beatles impersonators) again! We saw them the first time I was in Missouri. It brought back a lot of memories and was really sweet. :) On Saturday, we picked up the kids. We had to meet Whore Face at a church because of a bake sale or something, and when we pulled in she was off in the distance while the kids were sitting in the car BY THEMSELVES with the windows rolled down, right in front of the highway. We always take them in with us everywhere we go. Even if it's just to pay for gas. I told Michael about her doing that other times, like when she came into my work to pick up the kids' clothes and stuff. Now he saw it for himself. He was so fucking pissed, but he didn't say anything to her because the kids were around.
While we were getting groceries in Wal-Mart, Ariana kept saying, "I HAAAAAAATE!!! Mommy." With emphasis on 'I hate' and 'Mommy' normally. It was funny. She gets smarter and smarter each time we see her. She can talk in sentences now! It's so amazing. She has these hair clips and calls them her "pit-ties" (pretties). She goes around and shows everyone then she pulls them out. She loves to draw, and paper is "pep-her". She gets her markers and says, "I want pep-her!" She says sooo much!
We took the kids swimming and Cody and Britney had those arm floaties so they could go off by themselves. We held her and she thought she could be like her big brother and sister. She was like, "me down, me down!" Hahaha.
Monday was really cool. Michael had 2 dentist appointments, so I got to spend time with the kids by myself in town. We went out to eat and looked around at places. It was really fun. After we picked Michael up, we went to the movies. We were originally going to see the Dark Knight, but we got there right as it was starting and it was really loud. Britney was scared, so her and I and Ariana watched Space Chimps. After our movie got out, Michael and Cody were still in theirs. I asked the ticket lady how much longer til it got out and she said about 50 minutes. I realized that he had the car keys and I didn't want to stand around the whole time in the lobby, so I went in and got his keys. I took the girls to the gas station and got drinks. We came back to the theater and sat in the car for a while with the AC on. I put all the windows down and turned the car off for about 5 minutes. Britney was complaining that it was too hot, so we went back inside the theater. Didn't think anything of it. After their movie got out it was time to take the kids back. We dropped them off and Britney just casually told Whore Face, "Haylie made us sit in the car for a long time and it was hot." (5 minutes is a long time?) Anyways, when she got Ariana out, she noticed that she was a little red. She said something to Michael like, "I don't want the kids around someone that I can't trust. Why is Ariana so red?" Michael was like, "Well, they went swimming." She was like, "Well, Britney just said that SHE made them sit in the car for a long time." He flipped the fuck out on her. He was like, "one thing, you don't get sunburned from sitting in the car for 5 minutes. Another thing, at least they weren't by themselves! We, unlike you, never, ever leave them unattended in the car. I don't even want to hear that shit about trust!" He said goodbye to the kids and told them that he was sorry they had to hear that, and we left. I loved it. Haha
Well, that's about all. I guess I"ll write more later!
I'm back! Again! I hope all of you are doing well! Lots of updates... I'll try to condense. :)
Michael and I were having serious problems (my BPD and whatnot) so I decided to go to PA with my family for 2 weeks. (April 29 to May 13) We both felt like I needed some distraction from life. He and Ken ended up driving through the same day that I flew in and we spent the night together. Something just clicked that night between us. It was so beautiful. I can't really describe it. Anyways, in the days that followed, he realized that I was right in what I needed and he was wrong for just expecting me to "snap out of it". We spent every waking moment on the phone for those 2 weeks. I went there to get a break, but it didn't happen that way. Haha. Those were the best two weeks I'd had in a LONG time. He wrote me a 5-page letter telling me how much better he was going to be for me and how sorry he was for everything. It was just wonderful.
My family showed their true colors, once again. I had a miserable time with them. My grandma controlled me the whole time. My dad treated me like a slave. My mom had no time for me. My crazy ass cousin tried to kill me by driving down I-80 (one of the most dangerous interstates in the country) 100 mph and got mad whenever I wasn't shoved up her ass. Yeah, it was a blast! I was so happy to get home! I did get to hang out with CARLY!!! We went to Eat N' Park at 2:00 am like we used to when we were in high school (lol I sound old!)... drove around in her new car... visited her ex at his work (He works with mentally handicapped kids). They were in bed when we got there so I couldn't see them. :( That would've been fun. I missed her a lot. We haven't talked since, though, which is kinda sad. Basically the only things I got out of that trip down memory lane was food, food, more food, Sheetz! (which I missed the shit out of!) a good time with Carly, and a REAL fresh start on my relationship with Michael.
When I got home he took me to Springfield to the Battlefield mall! It was such a blast. We spent both of our paychecks in 3 days! (His training is a HUGE benefit!) We stayed in a jacuzzi suite, went out to eat, watched fireworks, shopped, made beautiful love, and he got me a promise ring from Zales! It's beautiful. He really surprised me with it, although I kind of had an inkling that he was going to buy it for me. It was such a great time.
I'm still working at Burger King. I don't like it so much anymore. It's horrible. I don't know how else to describe it. The managers are lazy... they don't train people right. A lot of the time I have to do drive-thru AND counter at the same time... for $6.65/hr. They call me in practically every day because people call in all the time. Last week I got 7 hours overtime and they got mad at ME for it whenever THEY were the ones who gave me those hours. I come home exhausted every night. It's fucking horrible. I'm job hunting again. It's been over 6 months since I got fired from Wal-Mart... maybe they'll take me back! I got paid way more there. I certainly won't work the morning shift again though. *sigh*
Instead of going back to school, I'm thinking about getting my CDL when I turn 21 and team driving with Michael. I would make way more money than I do at fucking Burger King or anywhere else and Michael and I would have looottts of time together. We're thinking of doing that for a few years and putting my paycheck in savings, so that when we have a baby I can stay home and we'll have money to fall back on. We're kind of liking the idea. I just don't like thinking about myself as a "truck driver." I'm a girl who likes pink! Haha Anyways... just a thought for right now.
We opened a savings account last week and have decided to put $20 each week out of each of our paychecks into it for Disney World! We're thinking about taking the kids in February. I have Disney on the brain right now! I'm just planning away. All I've been doing for 2 weeks is researching Disney World. The kids are pretty excited, too. They're not too keen on the flying part, though. Haha. Well I need to go to sleep. It's 3:19 am and I'm beat! Goodnight!!
Sorry I haven't updated in a while! I've been busy working and I recently rediscovered how addictive MySpace can be. I've been talking to my old friends from Pennsylvania. They look different, they're having babies, getting married... It's crazy how much they've changed in 2 years!
I abso-freaking-lutely LOVE my job! I thought that working at Burger King would hugely suck. I was very, very wrong. I love it so much I find myself thinking, "I work tomorrow! Yay!" Never thought I'd see the day. I love it so much because
a.) I'm ALWAYS on the counter. If they have me down to work in the kitchen, I always manage to manipulate them into doing what I want. :) Counter is fun because you basically don't have to do anything except take people's orders, hand them their drink cups, get their fries and wait for their food. Oh, and if you're closing you have to clean. Easiest job EVER!
b.) I usually work 4-close or 4-8. I LOVE sleeping in as late as I want!
c.) My ( Collapse ) are fucking awesome! Well, 98% of them anyway.
Well, I guess I'll write more later. I'm going to bed. Goodnight!!